Dumb (Jokes) Thread

[ewmayer]

Gotta love jokes based on regional rivalries: in this case, that between the Aussies and the Kiwis (New Zealanders). A standard theme among the Aussies-making-fun-of-Kiwis jokes is that the Kiwis, with their long tradition of shepherding, occasionally take their "sheep husbandry" too literally, if you knowhutimeanandithinkyoudo. In that vein:

========

A Kiwi guy walks into his bedroom carrying a sheep under his arm, sees his wife lying in the bed, and says, "See darling, this is the pig I have to sleep with when you're angry with me."

His wife says, in a smugly superior tone, "I think you'll find that's a sheep, not a pig!"

To which the Kiwi guy replies, "I think you'll find that I wasn't talking to you!"

[hhh]

Shouldn't there be a rule in this thread not to copy/paste jokes from the internet, but only to post personally selected jokes that one finds worth the effort of writing down oneself?

And: as I don't get the punchlines of half the jokes here , by opposition, I will post a french one. Let's see if you get it.

Quelle est la difference entre un pullover et une moule?
Un pullover moule et une moule pullover .

Pas compris? une moule pue l'ovaire

[ewmayer]

Originally Posted by hhh

Shouldn't there be a rule in this thread not to copy/paste jokes from the internet, but only to post personally selected jokes that one finds worth the effort of writing down oneself?

What diffference does it make whether one personally selects it by way of a link, copy-and-paste, or tedious retyping? Except that the latter is a waste of time, and likely to introduce grammar and spelling errors which might make a previously funny joke less so. When you find (say) a news story online which you wish to share with friends, do you retype it, letter-for-letter? Of course not (or at least I hope not - but hey, it's your time), because it's the content that matters.

IMO, except for correcting typos in a joke one got from elsewhere, the only time it is necessary to write it out oneself is if it's an original (in which case it should be noted as such.)

Of course with jokes that rely on regional cultural knowledge or are in a language other than English, annotations to provide context or translations (if the joke is the kind which can survive tranlation, which many are not) by the person posting the joke are encouraged.

[hhh]

Originally Posted by ewmayer

What diffference does it make whether one personally selects it by way of a link, copy-and-paste, or tedious retyping?

...

The difference is that if I want to read jokes on the internet, I know where to look: not at mersenneforum, but at the thousands of joke-sites.

If this thread wants to be something special, the only way is personal engagement, as it is btw proper to this forum. So, IMO, the only justification of this thread is to be a place where one shares jokes one heard, actually heard from somebody else, rather than to be one more collection of the best jokes on Internet.
One more thing that supports this is if you look at this at a discussion forum. It is for discussion, and thus equivalent to a chat corner in a library where you can find joke-books. (The library is the internet).
Of course, you might tell your friends in this very chat corner: "look at this one, I found in that book!". But that's not the usual case. And for that, we have the "Interesting link thread".

Anyways, everybody is free to post what he wants as long as he doesn't violate publishers rights or good sense.

I hope I could clarify my viewpoint; even if sometimes I was afraid about my grammar.
H.

[R.D. Silverman]

During WWII a Frenchman, a Nazi, A gorgeous babe and an old woman
are sharing a booth on a train. Suddenly the train plunges into a tunnel
and everything goes black. The sound of a kiss is heard, followed by
the sound of a sharp blow.

As the train emerges from the tunnel, the Nazi is showing a noticeable
bruise under his eye.

The old lady thinks to herself: "He got what he deserved"
The babe wonders to herself "Why did he kiss the hag instead of me?"
The Nazi thinks to himself "That frog steals a kiss and I get hit for it!"
The Frenchman thinks to himself "Boy, how clever I am. I kiss the back
of my hand, punch the Nazi in the face and noone can figure it out".

[xilman]

Originally Posted by ewmayer

This thread is for (hopefully) amusing and (surely) groan-inducing jokes.

Not a joke per se but I know how you enjoy pad buns (and the occasional Spoonerism) so I thought you'd like this one.

I've just got back from vacation in La Palma, where the natives all speak Spanish and many of them manage passable German too. There are very very few British holidaymakers on the island, so English speakers are relatively uncommon. We'd just finished lunch and I asked a passing waiter "La cuenta, por favor". He replied, in an Italian accent, "Ah, the bill, the damage". The opportunity was too good to pass up, so I instantly opined "Quel dommage".

This chap spoke Italian natively, had spent a long time in London, spoke passable German, slightly worse Spanish and could generally get by in French and Dutch. I wish I had his linguistic abilities.


Paul

[99.94]

Originally Posted by Spherical Cow

Also from the Jumbo Jokes site:

When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise...

That reminds me of a cartoon I saw once. A husband & wife were with a marriage counsellor. The wife is saying to the counsellor, "that's my side of the story. Now I'll tell you his".

[Carlsagan43]

Did you hear that the price of balloons has gone up? There was massive inflation.

[Uncwilly]

An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?"

She replied, "A can of peaches. "

The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied that she was hungry. The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied, "Six".

The judge then said, "I will give you 6 days in jail."

Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.

The judge said, " What is it? "

The husband said, "She also stole a can of peas."

[mfgoode]

HOW TO BE AN AMERICAN:
An Indian migrated to America , and moved into an American neighbourhood; His American neighbour went next door to wish him welcome.He was shocked to see the man from India in his nice backyard chasing ten chickens around like mad. "Must be an Indian custom," he thought to himself.
Deciding he could put off the welcome till a later date, he went home.

The next day, he decided he was going to welcome the Indian man again. When he looked through his window, he saw the Indian man urinate into a cup and drink it. "Must be an Indian custom," he thought to himself. Deciding he could put off the welcome till the next day, he went on with other stuff.

The third day, he was determined to welcome the Indian man. At his gate, he saw the Indian man with his ear pressed against a cow's big fat butt. Seeing this, he became disgusted and went up to the Indian man. "I'm sorry sir, I did want to wish you a warm welcome, but I cannot stand your crazy Indian customs!" He yelled in the Indian man's face.

The Indian man looked confused and answered. "Sorry sir, I think you are mistaken. These are actually American customs. I was told, that in order to be a true American, you have to chase chicks, get piss drunk, and listen to bullshit
Mally

[mfgoode]

PhD:
The wife of the great physicist Robert A. Millikan, happened to hear her maid answer the telephone.
"Yes this is where Dr. Millikan lives, But he's not the kind of doctor that does any body any good"
Mally