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Old 2009-01-20, 08:26   #1
garo
 
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Default Mission Accomplished

An article from the Onion. Except it was written 8 years ago. It is amazing how prescient it was.

Let no Bush voter say "Who would have thought Bush would be such a terrible president?"

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28784?Revisit

[Boldface emphasis is mine.]

Quote:
Bush: 'Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over'

January 17, 2001 | Issue 37•01



WASHINGTON, DC–Mere days from assuming the presidency and closing the door on eight years of Bill Clinton, president-elect George W. Bush assured the nation in a televised address Tuesday that "our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over."
President-elect Bush vows that "together, we can put the triumphs of the recent past behind us."

"My fellow Americans," Bush said, "at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us."
Bush swore to do "everything in [his] power" to undo the damage wrought by Clinton's two terms in office, including selling off the national parks to developers, going into massive debt to develop expensive and impractical weapons technologies, and passing sweeping budget cuts that drive the mentally ill out of hospitals and onto the street.
During the 40-minute speech, Bush also promised to bring an end to the severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton, assuring citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years.
"You better believe we're going to mix it up with somebody at some point during my administration," said Bush, who plans a 250 percent boost in military spending. "Unlike my predecessor, I am fully committed to putting soldiers in battle situations. Otherwise, what is the point of even having a military?"
On the economic side, Bush vowed to bring back economic stagnation by implementing substantial tax cuts, which would lead to a recession, which would necessitate a tax hike, which would lead to a drop in consumer spending, which would lead to layoffs, which would deepen the recession even further.
Wall Street responded strongly to the Bush speech, with the Dow Jones industrial fluctuating wildly before closing at an 18-month low. The NASDAQ composite index, rattled by a gloomy outlook for tech stocks in 2001, also fell sharply, losing 4.4 percent of its total value between 3 p.m. and the closing bell.
Asked for comment about the cooling technology sector, Bush said: "That's hardly my area of expertise."
Turning to the subject of the environment, Bush said he will do whatever it takes to undo the tremendous damage not done by the Clinton Administration to the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. He assured citizens that he will follow through on his campaign promise to open the 1.5 million acre refuge's coastal plain to oil drilling. As a sign of his commitment to bringing about a change in the environment, he pointed to his choice of Gale Norton for Secretary of the Interior. Norton, Bush noted, has "extensive experience" fighting environmental causes, working as a lobbyist for lead-paint manufacturers and as an attorney for loggers and miners, in addition to suing the EPA to overturn clean-air standards.
Bush had equally high praise for Attorney General nominee John Ashcroft, whom he praised as "a tireless champion in the battle to protect a woman's right to give birth."
"Soon, with John Ashcroft's help, we will move out of the Dark Ages and into a more enlightened time when a woman will be free to think long and hard before trying to fight her way past throngs of protesters blocking her entrance to an abortion clinic," Bush said. "We as a nation can look forward to lots and lots of babies."
Continued Bush: "John Ashcroft will be invaluable in healing the terrible wedge President Clinton drove between church and state."
The speech was met with overwhelming approval from Republican leaders.
"Finally, the horrific misrule of the Democrats has been brought to a close," House Majority Leader Dennis Hastert (R-IL) told reporters. "Under Bush, we can all look forward to military aggression, deregulation of dangerous, greedy industries, and the defunding of vital domestic social-service programs upon which millions depend. Mercifully, we can now say goodbye to the awful nightmare that was Clinton's America."
"For years, I tirelessly preached the message that Clinton must be stopped," conservative talk-radio host Rush Limbaugh said. "And yet, in 1996, the American public failed to heed my urgent warnings, re-electing Clinton despite the fact that the nation was prosperous and at peace under his regime. But now, thank God, that's all done with. Once again, we will enjoy mounting debt, jingoism, nuclear paranoia, mass deficit, and a massive military build-up."
An overwhelming 49.9 percent of Americans responded enthusiastically to the Bush speech.
"After eight years of relatively sane fiscal policy under the Democrats, we have reached a point where, just a few weeks ago, President Clinton said that the national debt could be paid off by as early as 2012," Rahway, NJ, machinist and father of three Bud Crandall said. "That's not the kind of world I want my children to grow up in."
"You have no idea what it's like to be black and enfranchised," said Marlon Hastings, one of thousands of Miami-Dade County residents whose votes were not counted in the 2000 presidential election. "George W. Bush understands the pain of enfranchisement, and ever since Election Day, he has fought tirelessly to make sure it never happens to my people again."
Bush concluded his speech on a note of healing and redemption.
"We as a people must stand united, banding together to tear this nation in two," Bush said. "Much work lies ahead of us: The gap between the rich and the poor may be wide, be there's much more widening left to do. We must squander our nation's hard-won budget surplus on tax breaks for the wealthiest 15 percent. And, on the foreign front, we must find an enemy and defeat it."
"The insanity is over," Bush said. "After a long, dark night of peace and stability, the sun is finally rising again over America. We look forward to a bright new dawn not seen since the glory days of my dad."

Last fiddled with by garo on 2009-01-20 at 08:32
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Old 2009-01-20, 16:47   #2
ewmayer
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Aside from the quibble that insane post-dotcom-bust-and-9/11 monetary policy and lack of lending/securitization oversight by the Fed and SEC led to the housing bubble whose collapse led to the worst recession since the 1930s, yeah, quite spot on, wasn't it?

Notice how Bush, Cheney and their neocon lackeys love to take credit for "Keeping the nation safe from terror since 9/11" (as if one could really prove such a negative), but of course the fact that 9/11 *happened* on their watch gets no similar spin. Good riddance to bad rubbish, folks - "And a huge collective sigh of relief arose from the land..."

Listening to the ceremonials on the radio here at work.
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Old 2009-01-20, 16:53   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ewmayer View Post
Notice how Bush, Cheney and their neocon lackeys love to take credit for "Keeping the nation safe from terror since 9/11" (as if one could really prove such a negative), but of course the fact that 9/11 *happened* on their watch gets no similar spin.
It's hard to find any conservative Republican comment* on how Dubya dropped the ball between January 20, 2001 and September 10, 2001, even though his predecessor had made terrorism the number-1 US national security priority that he handed over.

- - -

* - except for their claiming that Clinton still had that responsibility during the first eight months of Dubya's administration, that is

- - -

So much for conservative emphasis on personal responsibility (referring to unwed mothers and welfare recipients, of course).

Last fiddled with by cheesehead on 2009-01-20 at 17:02
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Old 2009-01-20, 17:04   #4
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Oops. They're running long.

As of noon EST, only Biden had taken the oath of office.*

But the White House website already says Obama is President ...

even though he flubbed the oath just now.

- -

Well, some constitutional scholars say the transfer happens at noon regardless of oath-taking.

- -

* - I'll bet they were making sure to get at least Biden in before noon, since usually the Prez takes the oath right after the VP, but this time there was a musical interlude, probably scheduled for a few minutes earlier.

Last fiddled with by cheesehead on 2009-01-20 at 17:21
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Old 2009-01-20, 17:12   #5
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Yeah, very much "...and he FUMBLES it at the goal line!!!..." moment there ... though it's not clear to me yet whether the administrator of the oath got it wrong (the precise words are prescribed in the constitution) or if it was Barack "Butterfingers" Obama's fault. ;)

So, which of the 2 musical pieces did our readers prefer - Aretha singing "My Country 'Tis of Thee" (UK readers will recognize the music under a different name) in fine Motown style, or the original chamber composition by John Williams?
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Old 2009-01-20, 17:41   #6
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Default My pundit proclamation

I would like to be the first multimillionaire talking-head pundit to declare Obama's administration to be a failed presidency. Clearly he will not go to war against brown people, nor will he speak to the concerns of the real Americans on Main Street -- wherever that is -- that only my overpaid colleagues and I can reach out to.

Now that we no longer have a Republican president, the time has come to end unilateral, single-party action and begin a new age of bipartisan comity, wherein the minority party shall have the greatest voice in the legislative and executive branches. To that end, I ask that extreme right wingers be given access to the Oval Office at all hours, and that creationists and neoconservatives be granted the chairmanships of all Congressional committees, so that terrorists will have less say in national policy.

Further, I ask that no member of congress, the media, or the corporate establishment should ever be called to account for their mistaken support of the war, their failure to understand basic realities about the economy, and their support of the destruction of our constitutional liberties for no reason whatsoever. I think we can all agree that poor judgment and gross incompetence should have no professional or personal consequences whatsoever for anyone in Washington, whether an elected official, a bureaucrat, or a member of the press. Furthermore, now that a Republican former president and vice president are potentially liable for war crimes and failure to uphold the oath of office, it is important that we move on and end this cycle of litigious bickering over who wasted trillions of dollars on what war and who maimed and killed many thousands for the sake of consolidating power and enriching one's supporters. None of these allegations rises nearly to the level of a failed Arkansas land deal or a sexual harrassment allegation, and therefore never need be the subject of any investigation.

I would declare anyone who challenges the proposed bipartisan comity to be a dirty hippy, who, being the sort of person who would dare to not support a war, should just shut up.

Thank you for your time.

Last fiddled with by FactorEyes on 2009-01-20 at 17:54
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Old 2009-01-20, 17:42   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ewmayer View Post
Yeah, very much "...and he FUMBLES it at the goal line!!!..." moment there ... though it's not clear to me yet whether the administrator of the oath got it wrong (the precise words are prescribed in the constitution) or if it was Barack "Butterfingers" Obama's fault. ;)

So, which of the 2 musical pieces did our readers prefer - Aretha singing "My Country 'Tis of Thee" (UK readers will recognize the music under a different name) in fine Motown style, or the original chamber composition by John Williams?
Yes the words to God Save the Queen were certainly strange.
As for John Williams composition, I think he ripped off
"I am the Lord of the Dance". Or did he compose that?

Re the oath gaffe I presume it was down to lack of rehearsal.
Biden wasn't that sure about how much he had to repeat at a time either.

Last fiddled with by davieddy on 2009-01-20 at 17:46
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Old 2009-01-20, 17:59   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ewmayer View Post
in fine Motown style
Atlantic and/or Stax methinks
Edit...
Yes
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Never...Way_I_Love_You
I loved Otis Redding's "Respect" so much that I couldn't
enthuse as much as most do about her version.
But "I never loved a man" gets me every time. I thought she was 17 when
she first recorded it, but if she was born in 1942 it doesn't quite tally.

David

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Old 2009-01-20, 18:42   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FactorEyes View Post
snip
If this isn't a shining example of how to turn a snappy
timely thread into a tedious unreadable diatribe I don't know what is.

David
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Old 2009-01-20, 18:55   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by davieddy View Post
Re the oath gaffe I presume it was down to lack of rehearsal.
It was Chief Justice Roberts's first time as well as Obama's. Obama, having been a constitutional scholar, certainly knew the words.

ABC just explained that Roberts made the first mistake, at which Obama paused to allow him to resynch, then Roberts later flubbed again with "... President to the United ...", ( and Obama again paused) but then Obama repeated Roberts's "to" mistake.

So now we have a President to the United States, and a Vice-President of the United States.

Last fiddled with by cheesehead on 2009-01-20 at 18:57
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Old 2009-01-20, 19:04   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by davieddy View Post
Re the oath gaffe I presume it was down to lack of rehearsal.
Apparently it was worse than that - they never even a hearsal to begin with, much a rehearsal.
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