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Old 2018-01-21, 00:29   #650
firejuggler
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kladner View Post
When attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler.
Should I be worried?
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Old 2018-01-21, 02:43   #651
kladner
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by firejuggler View Post
Should I be worried?
Only if you are in an attacking mob.
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Old 2018-01-22, 19:08   #652
xilman
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Thank $DEITY that it's almost the end of the month. "Dry January" is really getting me down.

Having to restrict myself to dry martinis, dry sherry, dry white wine and dry cider is so boring.
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Old 2018-02-15, 04:08   #653
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Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm a schizophrenic
and so am I
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Old 2018-02-20, 15:59   #654
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What do the Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common?

Icy dead people!
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Old 2018-03-21, 14:05   #655
retina
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Q: Why are firetrucks red?

A: Because they have eight wheels and four people on them, and four plus eight makes twelve, and there are twelve inches in a foot, and one foot is a ruler, and Queen Elizabeth was a ruler, and Queen Elizabeth was also a ship, and the ship sailed the seas, and there were fish in the seas, and fish have fins, and the Finns fought the Russians, and the Russians are red, and fire trucks are always “Russian" around.
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Old 2018-03-21, 15:12   #656
Uncwilly
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Quote:
Originally Posted by retina View Post
Q: Why are firetrucks red?

A: Because they have eight wheels and four people on them, and four plus eight makes twelve, and there are twelve inches in a foot, and one foot is a ruler, and Queen Elizabeth was a ruler, and Queen Elizabeth was also a ship, and the ship sailed the seas, and there were fish in the seas, and fish have fins, and the Finns fought the Russians, and the Russians are red, and fire trucks are always “Russian" around.
That is a less that optimal version (when was the last time you saw a firetruck with only eight wheels?), and it has less of the bits that make it work.

Here is a more canonical version (to be recited at a breakneck speed, such that the listener is barely able to keep up.)
Well you see a fire engine has 4 wheels and 3 men on it. 3 times 4 is 12. 12 inches is a foot. A foot is a ruler. A king's a ruler. A king marries a queen. 'Queen Mary' sailed the seas. Seas have fish. Fish have fins. The Finns fought the Reds. The Red are Russian. Fire engines are always rushin'. Therefore they are painted red.
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Old 2018-04-24, 01:56   #657
jasong
 
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Autistic people rock...

And sometimes we flap.
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Old 2018-04-24, 02:02   #658
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jasong View Post
Autistic people rock...

And sometimes we flap.
And some of us have better things to do than tell a joke like that.
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Old 2018-04-24, 02:46   #659
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jasong View Post
Autistic people rock...
Joking about people based upon the things that they have no control over (race, medical conditions, disabilities, location of birth, gender, physical characteristics) is generally frowned upon. While people poking fun at themselves might be ok, in an online setting, it may not come across right. If you were to tell a racial joke where your own race is the butt of the joke, others might not know that you are "on the inside" of it.

Please resist the urge to tell these. Those that share the same characteristic might not enjoy them.

(By please resist, I mean don't do it.)
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Old 2018-04-24, 03:01   #660
ewmayer
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Re. the firetruck one, alas the "red Russians" bit went out with communist rule. "Because that's the color of firetruck paint" still works, though.

===============

Not a Twitterer myself, but via a Twitter-using friend:
Quote:
A woman is sitting at her deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?”.

“No, go right ahead”, the woman replies.

The man stands, clears his throat, says “Plethora”, and sits back down.

“Thanks”, the woman says, “that means a lot”

— Allison 💓 (@AllieLia) April 12, 2018
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