Dumb (Jokes) Thread - Page 110

xilman · 2022-03-11, 11:43

Another old Russian joke which is just as applicable today.

Moscow man buys a newspaper, glances at the front page and throws it away.
The next day he does the same, and the next, and the next.

Eventually the newspaper vendor snaps and asks: "Why do you keep doing that?"
"Oh, I am just checking for an obituary."
"But obituaries aren't even on the front page!"
"The one I am waiting for will be."

Dr Sardonicus · 2022-03-11, 14:58

Quote:

Originally Posted by xilman

<snip>
Eventually the newspaper vendor snaps and asks: "Why do you keep doing that?"
"Oh, I am just checking for an obituary."
<snip>

This brings to mind an old military joke.

One day, a soldier begins wandering around the base. He picks up pieces of paper littering the ground. He looks at each piece he picks up, shakes his head, and mutters, "No, that's not it." Then he drops the piece of paper back on the ground.

He keeps this up, day after day, week after week. The base commander becomes concerned. He calls in a military psychologist to observe the soldier's strange behavior.

After observing the solder for some time, the psychologist tells the commander, "This man has severe mental problems. He needs to be discharged."

He fills out the paperwork, and the base commander summons the soldier to his office. He explains that he has been found mentally unfit for service, and hands him his Section 8 discharge papers.

The soldier looks at them and says, "That's it!"

EdH · 2022-04-14, 16:39

Web Surfer: I'm so relieved! I just tested all my passwords at an online site that will tell you their quality, and every one of them had a great rating!

xilman · 2022-05-07, 08:04

2616

mart_r · 2022-05-07, 16:20

RudeBasic V1.0 (code sample):

Code:

20 IF X<>0 THEN Z=Y/X OR ELSE!!

mart_r · 2022-05-21, 09:43

Haikus are easy
but sometimes they don't make sense.
Refrigerator.

xilman · 2022-05-21, 10:26

Quote:

Originally Posted by mart_r

Haikus are easy
but sometimes they don't make sense.
Refrigerator.

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Some poems rhyme
But some don't even scan properly.

MattcAnderson · 2022-05-25, 07:56

Did you see the new Star Wars movie?
Darth Vader gets married to Ella.

She becomes Elevator.

She lifts him up!

Get it? Ella Vader

chalsall · 2022-05-25, 20:38

Two persons walk into a bar.

One says "I'll just have H₂O.

The other says "I'll have H₂O too.

The second person dies...

Uncwilly · 2022-05-25, 21:09

Quote:

Originally Posted by retina

Two scientists walk into a bar, and decide to have a drinking contest.
The first walks up to the barmaid and says, "I'll have a glass of H2O, please."
The second scientist says, "I'll have a glass of H2O, too."
The first scientist won.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chalsall

Two persons walk into a bar.

One says "I'll just have H₂O.

The other says "I'll have H₂O too.

The second person dies...

I like the first.

chalsall · 2022-05-25, 21:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uncwilly

I like the first.

Trust me to not review prior art...

2022-05-07, 16:20	#1204
mart_r Dec 2008 you know...around... 1011111000₂ Posts	RudeBasic V1.0 (code sample): Code: 20 IF X<>0 THEN Z=Y/X OR ELSE!!

2022-05-25, 07:56	#1207
MattcAnderson "Matthew Anderson" Dec 2010 Oregon, USA 2⁴×71 Posts	Star Wars Joke Did you see the new Star Wars movie? Darth Vader gets married to Ella. She becomes Elevator. She lifts him up! Get it? Ella Vader

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2022-03-11, 11:43	#1200
xilman Bamboozled! "𒉺𒌌𒇷𒆷𒀭" May 2003 Down not across 11,369 Posts	Another old Russian joke which is just as applicable today. Moscow man buys a newspaper, glances at the front page and throws it away. The next day he does the same, and the next, and the next. Eventually the newspaper vendor snaps and asks: "Why do you keep doing that?" "Oh, I am just checking for an obituary." "But obituaries aren't even on the front page!" "The one I am waiting for will be."

2022-04-14, 16:39	#1202
EdH "Ed Hall" Dec 2009 Adirondack Mtns 2×3×13×59 Posts	Web Surfer: I'm so relieved! I just tested all my passwords at an online site that will tell you their quality, and every one of them had a great rating!

2022-05-07, 08:04	#1203
xilman Bamboozled! "𒉺𒌌𒇷𒆷𒀭" May 2003 Down not across 10110001101001₂ Posts	2616

2022-05-21, 09:43	#1205
mart_r Dec 2008 you know...around... 2³·5·19 Posts	Haikus are easy but sometimes they don't make sense. Refrigerator.

2022-05-25, 20:38	#1208
chalsall If I May "Chris Halsall" Sep 2002 Barbados 41·257 Posts	Two persons walk into a bar. One says "I'll just have H₂O. The other says "I'll have H₂O too. The second person dies...