Dumb (Jokes) Thread

[mfgoode]

A camel walks into a bar and announces "The high balls are on me!"
[spoiler] whisky is served in glasses called high ball glasses [/ spoiler]

[ewmayer]

Originally Posted by hhh

Panda: eats shoots and leaves.

There is another one along these lines that apparently served as the headline for a British Tabloid's article about a deranged man who escaped from a mental hospital, sexually assaulted a local washing-woman and then fled the scene:

Nut Screws Washer and Bolts

[xilman]

Originally Posted by mfgoode

The space shuttle is streamlined for minimum drag. The wings are there for the Lift. The satellite it carries is put in a nose cone.

Where to start?

The shuttle has appalling drag characteristics compared with most gliders. It relies on atmospheric drag to slow it down from orbital velocity to a few hundred km/h, from where it can roll along a runway of plausible length.

The wings are there primarily for manoeuvrability, so that the shuttle has a significant cross-range ability and can end up on a selected runway rather than landing with a splash or a thud whereever it happens to fall.

The satellite(s) it carries are held in the cargo bay, well behind the nose. The nose, like most gliders, carries the crew and avionics.


I suppose zero out of three aint too bad, considering.


Paul

[Spherical Cow]

Quote:[*]You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

They can. It isn't cost-effective. And anyway, it's not black it's bright orange.

Quote: I suspect it's not so much the potential expense as the fact that the resulting plane would be much too heavy to ever get off the ground - it would be like trying to put wings on a submarine.

Quote: You can make anything fly, even an elephant, if you make it go fast enough --- meaning providing it with powerful enough engines --- and a smart enough attitude control system.

Consider the space shuttle. It has the aerodynamics of the average house brick. It's worse than a bathtub but better than a bunch of keys. Nonetheless, it flies.

Quote: Not for any significant length of time, it doesn't - and I think you'll find that even (or perhaps especially) on the shuttle much effort was expended to make all the parts as light as they could possibly be and still sustain the propulsive, thermal and aerodynamic loads it encounters on every mission....

Quote: Well to solve the dispute going on I give some basic aerodynamics facts.
There are principally two major forces required to counter the natural forces which come into play when an object is subjected to fly....

Quote: The shuttle has appalling drag characteristics compared with most gliders. It relies on atmospheric drag to slow it down from orbital velocity to a few hundred km/h, from where it can roll along a runway of plausible length.


Suddenly, I'm wondering if this is how the scene in Monty Python's "Holy Grail" was written...the one that devolves into a discussion of the aerodynamics of an African swallow carrying a coconut. Maybe they just asked a few mathematicians to tell jokes for a while.

Norm

That's my favorite scene in the whole movie, by the way!

[mfgoode]

[QUOTE=xilman]Where to start?
Paul maybe this will interest You. Im not in any way negating your post but am edifying it.
http://www.space.com/spacenews/busin...ay_060320.html
Mally

[robert44444uk]

There are a number of nasty tongue twisters in Polish, one of which involve mayflies, and another involving three crosses, and one in French which involve six sausages. but I cannot remember them let alone say them, even in English!

My favourite in the English language is

"The Leith police dismisseth us"

I can't say it sober or tipsy

Regards

Robert Smith

[Flatlander]

I wish to wash my Irish wrist watch.

[mfgoode]

Voted best Irish joke of 2005!


John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of

me life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best
toast of the night"
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church
beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's ! drinking buddies on the
street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize
the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know,
he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep,
and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

Mally

[mfgoode]

Originally Posted by Flatlander

I wish to wash my Irish wrist watch.

Here's one from WW2 days when I was a kid.

" I feel a feel , a funny feel
A funny feel, feel I,
And when you feel
That funny feel,
You'll feel the same as I"

Here's another:

"She sells sea shells on the sea shore,
The shells she sells are sea shells, I'm sure".
Mally

[thechickenman]

A Jew moved in next door to a Catholic family. The Jew watches the Catholics eat all sorts of food that he can not personally eat- pork, lobstet, shrimp, etc. One day he decided to ask why this was so.

The Catholics informed him that the dietary laws had gone out with the Crucifixion. Looking at this, the Jew decided Catholicism and Judaism... what's the difference? So he converts, and the night before Easter, he's face to face with the local Bishop. The Bishop asks him if he's sure he wants to convert, and teh Jew answers in the affirmative. The Bishops pours oil on his head, slaps him, and says, "You were born a Jew, you have lived a Jew, and now you are Catholic!" The Bishop proceeds to baptise and confirm him.

A year goes on, and it's back to the first Friday of Lent. The (former) Jew is in his back yard, grilling steaks. The Catholic neighbor informs him that there's no eating meat on Fridays during Lent- fish only. Without hesitation, the Jew looks down at the steaks grilling, and says;

"You were born a cow; you died a cow, and now, you are a fish!"

[mfgoode]

Well, at a wedding reception, a catholic priest and a rabbi met at the buffet table.

"Go ahead", said the priest " try one of those delicious ham sandwiches.
Over looking your divine rule just this once wont do you any harm"

" That I will do dear sir," the rabbi replied, "on the day of your marriage!"
Mally