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Old 2003-12-15, 01:33   #1
kwstone
 
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Jun 2003
Shanghai, China

109 Posts
Default Math Instruction

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested while attempting to board a flight was found to be in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al Gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons known to be of capable of math instruction.

"Al Gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft stated. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes will go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names, such as "x" and "y"and refer to themselves as "unknowns." Fortunately, we determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

Drawing upon his vast knowledge of the long record of this dangerous organization, Ashcroft stunned reporters with this statement; "As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3 sides to every triangle."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes. I am gratified that our government was received a sine that He is intent on protracting us from this band of math-crazed individuals each of whom is willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence," the President said, adding,"Under these circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line."

President Bush further warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex.

Attorney General Ashcroft closed the press conference with this warning, "As our President's father foresaw this danger and warned us in the past, read my ellipse! Now we can say with certainty that Al Gebra's days are numbered ... the hypotenuse is tightening around their necks."
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